The best way to predict the future is to create it.
( Attributed to Abraham Lincoln, although Lincoln scholars have no proof of attribution)
If you don't know where you are going you could end up somewhere else.
(Attributed to Yogi Berra )
According to psychologist Daniel Gilbert, "At every stage of our lives we make decisions that will profoundly influence the lives of the people we're going to become, and then when we become those people, we're not always thrilled with the decisions we made." He observes that "people really aren't very good at knowing who they're going to be and hence what they're going to want a decade from now." Thus, we make decisions today that our future selves often regret, as we do not consider that we could have a shift in values or preferences.
While we can acknowledge that we have changed as compared to the past, we imagine the future poorly, especially as to what will make us happy. For Gilbert and others this phenomenon is partially based on the mistaken belief that the person we are today is the person we will be and the present marks when change no longer happens.
So how can we guard against failing to forecast how we might evolve? Per Gilbert, "The single best way to make predictions about what you're going to want in the future isn't to imagine yourself in the future." Instead, he posits, "It's to look at other people who are in the very future you're imagining."
Once people construct a vision of their desired future (with the help of looking around at others), attention needs to turn to how to execute the needed steps to get there. This is particularly important because it is often difficult to delay immediate gratification for a long term gain and there is a general tendency to put less value on rewards the farther they will be attained in the future.
A technique I encourage is to establish a series of concrete, achievable goals that align with the ultimate long term goal. "Acheivable" is key and requires a realistic assessment of strengths, weaknesses and circumstances.
As a small example, if a goal is for your children to have a healthy adjustment to a divorce or separation (just like the children down the street), you might need to start with a specific decision to allow flexibility in parenting time, or a cooperative parenting approach (if safe), or external support for yourself so that the children do not carry the burden of your emotional state. There is, of course, lots more to consider, but even if in the depths of despair, simply thinking about what can be done now towards a future goal can positively reorient.
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